Suicide Is Boring

I swear...if I only owned a gun. One moment of resolve is all I'd need. Virtue hasn't availed me any more than vice. And they're both nothing but vanity. All of this time gushes out of my life like blood from an open vein, with each moment as precious as one red ampule of life. But nothing I try will staunch the wound. I'm worn thin from the trying.

Razors pain you.
Rivers are damp.
Acids stain you.
And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful.
Nooses give.
Gas smells awful:
You might as well live.

—"Résumé" by Dorothy Parker