Not A "Pretty" Day

I'm feeling old, fat and thoroughly unattractive. My friend in college used to have "pretty" days when she felt like hot shit and "ugly" days when she felt like a troglodtye. This is definitely one of my "ugly" days.

Last night I signed up for Yahoo! Personals and sent out a bunch of responses to ads. I figure a buckshot of e-mails means better luck that I'll hit a target. Last time I did this, I'd fixate on one guy's profile and wait until that one didn't work out before moving on to the next. This time, fuck it! I'm looking out for numero uno!

The add profiles I responded to fall into three basic categories. One e-mail I sent was your basic out-of-my-league pipe dream: a 29-year old A & F model look alike who is also a doctor. People that perfect shouldn't be allowed to exist. He's probably really sweet, a dedicated volunteer and his you-know-what smells like "fresh-baked cinnamon rolls." Actually, I'm almost certain that he kicks puppies, cheats on his taxes and makes fun of his patients' genitalia while they're under. Good thing he won't respond to my e-mail. I'm better off without him!

"What d'ya mean you don't like him? He's a doctor!"
"Mother, he's a doctor with acne."
"So marry him. The pimple's will clear up!"
—Joan Rivers

The second group I responded to were people whose attitude, personality, etc. I could tell weren't a good match for me. But sent them e-mails anyway 'cuz I thought their pics were really handsome. When I don't overrule my good sense with my emotion, I'm actually an extremely perceptive person and can tell a lot about people by the way the carry themselves in their photographs and how they express themselves in their short blurbs.

I think it's a sign of my maturity (or perhaps my utter exasperation with the pursuit of romance) that I'm kind of irritated with myself with contacting these people now that the initial rush of lust has worn off. I'm looking for someone who has the potential to be a spouse. I simply don't have the strength for casual dating (even if it does mean some good sex thrown in). When problems arise, I want someone who is going to be my partner, not my advesary. I want someone I'm not going to mind waking up next to year in and out, not some who'd look good on my arm as a bolster to my low self-esteem. I can sense that these guys are part of the latter instead of the former.

The last group is a handful of guys in the "just right" category. I personally find these men quite attractive, and their profiles (seemingly) reflected a personality I'd be compatible with. These are the fellows I'm holding most of my hopes on.